Monday

These Things are Certain

I waited for the last minute to do my taxes and as I headed into to the tax office I was reminded of the saying, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." But what happen when those things collide together?

As luck would have it, my tax agent was a acquaintance. We discussed small talk and she relayed to me how she has been doing taxes for over twenty years. She loved her job and didn't mind the extra hours that came with tax season. In some ways if felt more like home at times then her real home. Around her office she had plenty of personal items that gave it a lived in and comfortable feel. Pictures surrounding the desk, plants aplenty with favorite coffee mugs and comfortable chairs.

The only setback, she relayed, was that over the years some of her clients had been slowly passing away. Sure, there were always new clients to take their place, but it always left a gap with the passing of a client you have had for decades. Many times members of the family would come in bearing the news. Wives or children of the deceased would appear, express their gratitude for her services and inform her of how the deceased enjoyed coming in. They would all sit, hug, cry for a bit and soon off they would go perhaps never to be seen again.

As I listened to her sharing, I felt strangely surprised. I was pretty sure no one was going to come and do the same for me when I passed into the great beyond. Who knew the tax office could be such a place for human compassion and connection. I had worked in a coffee shop for years and part of our job there was to connect with others. Over the years, thankfully, we only had to deal with the passing of one our customers. It was a pretty bummed out day for all of us and word got around quickly and we reached out to console the customers family.

They mentioned how much our customer Bernie loved coming in for his drink and how it was the highlight of the day for him. The connection we built with him over the years left a lasting impression on the family and they said they were gracious for our concern and support. We kept a note about Bernie on our board for a month and everyday it was impossible not to walk by and see it and remember that he would never be coming in for his drink again.

It reminded me of a couple of local bars I had been to in the last year. One of the bars had a plaque installed on the counter right above the first stool when you walk into to order a drink. On the plaque it mentioned the customer who was an elderly gentlemen who had been a regular customer for over thirty years. Apparently the regular lived directly next door and would stop by everyday for a beer and connect and make an impression on all of those he talked to.

All connections and all in unlikely places. But I suppose that is being slightly unfair. As we live our lives and go throughout our day we run into people. People we know, people we don't, people we want to know and people we try to avoid. But no matter how you slice it, whatever you do in a day, the majority of us are going to run into other people at some point. There is going to be a connection, it could be in the bank, the grocery store, the tax office, the DMV, the disco and even the people we virtually we run into during our daily lives online.

What we do with those interactions are up to us. I am sure there are plenty of tax offices that are impersonal and efficient and probably would never hear if one of their clients passed. And yet when I think of my friend story, it makes me want to connect more. I think sometimes we hide behind titles, jobs, buildings and our wall of busyness.

So I guess there are three things certain in life: Taxes, death, and our interactions with others. Only one of those can be altered by our conscious decision and attitude. Choose wisely.


Revenge of the Righteous?

"...before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

Lately I have been obsessed with the show Revenge. The premise is simple enough, one daughter, all grown up, must face her past by getting revenge on the uber rich people who destroyed and killed her innocent father. The show is over the top with lots of dramatic pauses and stern looks and people with too much money that they don't even know what to do with it. It's a guilty pleasure but I think it hits home for a lot of people, the idea of having the ability of getting the perfect revenge on those who have wronged us in our lives.

At the end of last year I truly have to say revenge was something that was close to my heart and something I spent a fair amount of time thinking about. Last year was a rough year for me personally and within a matter on months I lost two of the people closest to me throughout my life: my only brother and my grandmother (who was more of a best friend for me during the past two years and taught me so much).

They say death can bring out the best or the worst in people as they cope and deal with loss. Unfortunately for me I saw more of the latter. Even on a good day, my extended family (myself included) has always had a penchant for chaos, disorder, disagreement and overall carelessness for one another. Mix that with strong emotions and loss of loved ones, and you have yourself a mine full of powder kegs waiting to explode!

Needless to say it got ugly at times and within me built a seed of discord. I watered that seed and I watched how everyone handled themselves during our times of duress. My grandmother was a keeper of truth with no time for fools and I tried to carry that torch for her. When I heard a lie, I was quick to point it out. When I saw someone acting shady, I was sure to let everyone know. When people asked, I was quick to air my opinions. I tried my best to use truth (my truth at least) as a sword and if you came close enough I wouldn't hesitate once to cut deep and expose any and all weaknesses I could find.

Did I feel good about it? Yes. Did it make me popular and well liked? I am going to say no. Did I cause irreversible damage that can't be undone? Probably. Would I do it again. Absolutely. Revenge is a tricky subject and for those outside looking in, it can seem like a fun-house of mirrors only understood by those deeply immersed in it.

Just the other day, a friend was telling me about a caretaker job she took caring for the elderly. One of her patients was an 80 year old gentlemen in need of some changing. As she was changing out his bottoms she noticed something peculiar. The gentleman was smooth as a Ken doll downstairs. She was taken aback but insistent on remaining professional and did not want the gentleman to feel uncomfortable. As she was putting his pants back on he smiled and began in a raspy voice...

"It's gone," he said not showing a hint of embarrassment," It's all gone. I had a wife once, a very jealous women. She was convinced I was having an affair. Time and time again I swore my faithfulness to her but she never believed it. She would have these jealous fits and I tried to console her and convince her of my love but she never would have any of it. One night, during one of her jealous rages, she drugged me and put me in a deep sleep. During the night she took me across the border and paid two doctors, $5000 each, to take away my manhood and teach me a lesson about my supposed infidelity. When I woke up in the morning, it was gone. It was all gone. In the light of the morning she realized what she had done and how wrong she was. She determined that I was in fact not having an affair, but it was too late, the damage was done. I was beyond furious and as you can imagine and I could not let it be so. So I hired men of my own and they tracked down each of those doctors. They were tied to a tree and eaten alive by ants!"

At this point my friend smiled uneasily and backed slowly out of the room. Was it a true story? What happened to the wife? Did anybody ever get caught? Was he making it up? How did he get ants to eat people? Who really knows..although to be honest, I feel like this sort of things happens a lot more often than we know. Tales of passion, betrayal, and ultimately revenge.

Now that I look back at last year and my vengeful crusade with my sword of truth, I sort of feel better about myself. Did I really cause all that much damage with my sword of truth? Did I wreak upon others the vengeance of archangel Micahael? When I think about it, maybe it wasn't so much a sword really as just a little dagger. In the future, I will probably still have the tendency to expose the truth (my truth) when I feel like it needs to be heard. I probably won't develop a tolerance for listening to people trying to convince me of their alleged altruistic but actually shady ways. In the end I know I am going to end up pissing people off and making them uncomfortable when I probably should keep my mouth shut in good taste. But I can honestly sleep on the fact that I have never tied anyone to a tree. And that's worth noting